In Honour of Baby Steps

In a world of “Go big or go home!”, I am choosing to go small and come home to myself.

When life happens and I get knocked off course for a short while, or a long, long while, I have always found that the way back is through small, gentle steps. Each step my legs gain strength, so to speak, my sense of ability expands until I am ready to add in another small step to the routine. And bit by bit, drop by drop, I find myself again.

After almost 2 years of Covid craziness, the dissolution of my marriage, an injury that refused to heal, and any number of other personal losses (a litany I won’t get into here), I felt lost, shaken and disconnected from who I am. It felt overwhelming to try to move forward. I sought comfort in sugar and Netflix, which was fine until it wasn’t. I didn’t feel like myself physically, I felt disconnected from my own passion, from my confidence. I was still functioning in the world, but boy was my foundation shaky.

The way back? In truth, it began with doing “the work”. The deep work we sometimes want to avoid. Being accountable, really looking at ourselves, our thoughts our actions. It’s changing our minds that comes first, and then embodying these changes. This phase of Operation Baby Steps is deep and it doesn’t often look like much is changing on the surface. In fact, nothing may be changing on the surface, but down below, the water is flowing, things are shifting.

For me, once that internal work reached a critical mass, so to speak, the external changes took the form of reclaiming my health, reconnecting to my body. I don’t know how to connect with the world or myself other than through my body, it has so often been the gateway back to myself.

It started with a decision to take my daily vitamin D.

Just that! A tiny step I knew I could commit to. Then I found myself an amazing chiropractor and committed to the time and expense of getting help to take care of my injury. Soon after I committed to five minutes of really gentle stretching in bed - before sleep and first thing in the morning. Then I decided I was done with the evening sugar binges - trading in cookies and chocolate for an orange. I wove in daily morning meditation after my stretches. I added in my rehabilitation exercises every other day and a little more walking. Soon I was back to my healthy smoothies and a little more meal planning and prep. Next was morning squats, and gentle workouts. Which brings me to today.

I feel great. Really great. None of these things has been drastic, they’ve been slowly added into my routine over the course of about a month, only when the next thing presented itself, the next idea, the next desire. Baby steps. I can apply it to any area of my life. Bit by bit I make the choices that support me, that fortify me, that make me feel good, that bring me back to who I am.

I’m planning on making this my mantra for the year ahead. Baby steps, go small! There’s no giant overhaul required - and indeed, a giant overhaul is not likely to stick anyway. It is a gentle approach, a loving approach, no obsession required. What is required? Listening to myself. Following the next impulse, and the next, and the next. Consistency, too. Committing to myself consistently. And patience. This is no quick fix, it is a slow and steady reclamation.

Inherent in my understanding of baby steps is that they continue. A baby doesn’t learn to run by taking one baby step and then stopping for a month. She takes baby step after baby step, again and again, and again. Practicing until those steps become second nature and she is ready to take a baby leap.

It is slow, gentle work, like an archeological dig. I want to clear away the sand and dirt gently, revealing the treasure beneath without damaging it. There’s no rushing this, there is only enjoying it. I will be lead by my intuition, not my judgmental mind. I take these baby steps in joy. I take them not from the instruction of my critical mind, but simply because I am ready to take them, and they feel good. Like being lifted as the water rises, I surrender to this rising tide, grateful for the buoyancy.