Diving In
I’ve been wondering, lately, where in life am I going through the motions, not really committing, not really showing up?
I see it in my acting students all the time, and I know it is rampant in the world, in my own life, as well. In the classroom it shows up as not doing the work, looking for an out, sort of barely skimming by, having no fun in the work - which sounds like an oxymoron, but really, the work of acting IS fun, it is play! So having fun in the work is an essential ingredient. But fun in the work is not the same as fun out of the work. Looking for a way to step outside of a scene, break character, and laugh is not the same thing as staying inside the scene, committing totally and having an amazing time within the confines of the script, the character.
When an actor is repeatedly breaking out of a scene, or looking for ways out, for reasons why something won’t work, we are no longer watching a character in action, we are watching the actor display their insecurities. It’s no fun - for the actor or the audience. It leaves all parties uncomfortable and frustrated.
Why do actors do this? Fears, usually, about not being good, about looking stupid, about failing. We hold back as a way to protect ourselves, and in the very holding back, we hurt ourselves.
It takes a certain level of confidence to commit, a certain level of confidence to be willing to be vulnerable, actually. It is in the vulnerability that the gold is to be found.
So, too, in life.
Where am I not showing up? Where am I not committing, not staying “in”? What outs do I take? Where am I not having fun “in the work”, or rather, the play, of living? Where am I taking myself too seriously? Taking succeeding too seriously?
Where do I need to remind myself that, the confidence to be vulnerable yields the gold in life?
What can we do to build that confidence? What do I tell my students? I tell them it takes practice, that you gain confidence by trying and failing and trying again. I tell them that with practice we develop faith in ourselves, trust in our abilities, but we cannot gain that without risking failure, without, in fact, failing at times, and realizing that the failure didn’t kill us.
I tell them that, as cheesy as it sounds, it’s really about self-love. That we have to do whatever it takes to develop that self-love. We have to let go of past stories and embrace what is. Part of self-love is forgiving yourself your mistakes, part of it is celebrating your successes. Perhaps all of it is about holding things lightly.
So I am asking myself lately, where am I holding back, clinging to the side of the pool. And can I let go, dive in, see what treasures might be found when I do? Can you?
