To Do or Not to Do
It’s an interesting dance, negotiating with ourselves when we don’t want to do what we think we “should” do. Exercising, eating well, whatever it is that’s on our list for today. A friend of mine is really struggling with it right now, and the not doing it side is winning. She knows she would feel better if she got to yoga, knows she would feel better if she ate the salad. But she doesn’t want to. She just plain and simply does not want to. It’s concerning her, though, so she isn’t even really enjoying the lazing around. I can totally relate!
So, what to do?
On the one hand, I can argue for “just do it”. Get yourself to class and you will feel better for sure. No question. The energy we expend debating whether or not to go, or coming up with excuses, is far more draining than a class would be (in fact a class is ultimately energizing, as we all know). We know when we’re using excuses to justify staying stuck or unhappy, they weigh us down. It’s funny, if a friend kept using excuses to justify why she was cancelling on us, over and over again, we might stop making plans with her, we might begin to expect she won’t follow through, we might stop believing her when she made plans, we might stop believing we could depend on her. And so it goes with ourselves. When we repeatedly cancel on ourselves, we stop believing in ourselves. We stop trusting that we will do what we say we will do. We start to write ourselves off. Every time we don’t do what we say we are going to do, we create a little pocket of disappointment in our minds, we re-confirm what we already half believe: we are not to be trusted, we are not to be relied upon. We feel bad about ourselves, ashamed, unhappy.
And yet.
Sometimes, doing nothing is the right thing to do. If we can embrace what we are feeling, decide emphatically that we are not doing what we “should” do unless we really feel like it, unless it really brings us joy, then we can revel in whatever is going on in that moment, revel in lounging on the couch, release any sense of guilt and just embrace where we are. This then, is the key: do whatever you are doing with joy. Do what brings you joy. If skipping pilates is going to bring you joy, to stay cozy at home and read or sleep or watch movies, then do it! Enjoy it! Soak it up! Because when you are doing it from joy, it will shift and change and soon you will more than likely want to head to pilates, or go for a run because that will bring you joy.
Everything changes, this we know for sure. The routine that worked so perfectly for winter, no longer fits in spring. We change, our mood changes, our desires change. Going with it is essential to maintaining happiness. Listening to ourselves is essential. The better we get at listening, at hearing what we want, and then honouring that voice, the happier we will be. So much unhappiness springs from believing in the “shoulds", in being tied to what we feel we are supposed to be doing, There is industry upon industry built around telling us what to do, scaring us into the right way to eat, to exercise, to look, to achieve. Most of these industries are built around making a profit of some sort, and most of them are built around making us feel inadequate unless we buy their product. So we have to be careful. Cultivate practices that connect us to our soul. Cultivate the things that matter to us. We are inundated daily with so many voices telling us how to be (is your inbox as over-flowing as mine with product offers, sales, etc?!). Isn’t it time we make some space to listen to what our own voice is telling us?
As children, we are so very clear about what we want, what makes us happy. Some of us loved to dance from the time we could walk, some loved to take flashlights apart and learn what makes them work. We didn’t wait for someone to tell us to be interested in these things, or to tell us how to do them, we just twirled and shimmied, unscrewed lids and pressed buttons. And these things brought us joy. When we were finished with them, we moved on, happy to explore the next thing that piqued our curiosity.
Somewhere along the way we learn not to listen to that voice, not to trust it. Soon enough we can barely even hear it amongst the shouting of the crowds. It’s time. It’s time to do what we can to cultivate a relationship with ourselves. To start listening. To make space. There are many around you who would love for you to be a ping pong ball, going where they direct you, serving their needs, buying their products. What is important to YOU? What brings you joy? What piques your curiosity? Start to listen, and do what she is telling you to do.
How do you listen? How do you drown out the other voices?
Create white space in the design of your day. Maybe you meditate, write, go for long walks, as I do. Pay attention when you get a spark of excitement and follow that spark. If you feel stuck, find something you loved to do as a kid and try doing that. Try turning off Netflix and creating some thing - a meal, a picture, a new living room arrangement, a letter. Try doing the next small thing that feels good, don’t worry about it being the perfect thing or the best thing, it’s just the thing in this moment.
The world needs people who are happy, who are being who they were meant to be. The world does not need more people doing what they are told, miserable and unfulfilled. Perhaps stop “shoulding” all over yourself and instead try doing something you want to do. Right now. Whatever it is, if it feels good, do it, if it makes you happy, go for it.
